things i think about while powerwashing 58

So I was going to open this newsletter with a funny and cute romantic story involving SIM cards, WhatsApp, technophobes, hypocrites, and Facebook Messenger, but I decided I'd keep that for another day.

Instead, I will tell you all about my newest toxic trait: I think I can do anything car-related now because I changed my car headlights.

Long story short my car is old and one of the bulbs burned out after maybe 20 years of existence. So instead of trying to get a mechanic to fix it, I decide to get the bulbs myself and change them since I'm just such an auto enthusiast. So a few things go wrong.

he bought the wrong headlights

Yeah so when I walked into O'Reilly Auto Parts I looked in the big booklet and determined I needed a certain type of bulb. That bulb I bought turned out to be the high beam bulb. So I had to get the real bulb off of Amazon.

i'll never forgive whoever decided that

The front grate of my car has to come off in order to change the headlights. Who designed this???? This resulted in the operation taking almost 20 more minutes than it really should have. And also increased the average tutorial video on this subject as well.

i got it fixed and now i think i can do anything

As soon as I finished fixing it, I went about being annoying. What if I replaced the stereo? I think I need a new suspension. Maybe I should just change my oil myself!!! Stop. I cannot do any of this. Who are you deluding man.

anonymous subscriber news

I'm tired. Submit your year-end news here at https://forms.gle/7BSneV4ueckpK3jT9

• anonymous subscriber has made a special friend
• anonymous subscriber royally fucked up a secret Santa gift by shipping it incorrectly to a FedEx holding center. I hate everything
• anonymous subscriber got a new iphone, have mixed feelings about it

animal of the week

This one is actually from me! I found this while on a hike and it clearly looks like some type of cat. It's a little too big to really look like a cute little cat that won't kill me so I'm going to put it at either a bobcat or a mountain lion. I even made stupid little meowing noises to try to get it to move before I realized that poking a predator is not the same as mildly and ethically annoying my cat. Guess I'm lucky to be talking to y'all today.

Send in your animal photos to [email protected]! See you all soon!