things i think about while powerwashing 57

Hi all. I have a confession to make.

Growing up as a child in the Bay Area, you get exposed to a certain type of mindset. They whisper things, they point to things in the news, and you get a little caught up in the whispers. You start to dislike, then suddenly hate. And when someone lookin a little different shows up and flaunts it, you turn a blind eye. Maybe they're a good person, you think. This just isn't one of their good sides.

That's right everyone. I fucking hate the Los Angeles Dodgers.

For people who don't understand, the Los Angeles Dodgers are a baseball team playing the Major League of Baseball (MLB). They have the UGLIEST shade of blue on their uniforms and actually look like clowns when they take the field. And they have an extremely testy rivalry with the San Francisco Giants, one of the teams I have supported since I was a kid.

As opposed to their disgusting oxygen-less blue counterparts, the Giants have a stadium THAT LITERALLY OVERLOOKS THE BAY. People hit fucking HOME RUNS INTO THE BAY. THE DODGERS STADIUM IS SURROUNDED BY A PARKING LOT. And about the time I was in middle school, these guys proceeded to win three championships in three years. Just sayin, that's an amazing record.

I think the biggest event for me that has turned me into the way I am today is when a Giants fan, Bryan Stow, was beaten to literally within an inch of his life unprovoked in the Dodgers parking lot. That got me pretty mad as a kid. Don't mind the fact that some Giants fans literally killed someone a few years later – this was the event that got me hating the Dodgers. Every time I see that horrible horrible blue, for every person in high school who liked the Dodgers to be different. For every bandwagon Dodgers fan in the Midwest who also worked at the student newspaper and liked boutique jeans and coffee. I cringe a little. I have this bubbling feeling of disgust and dislike inside me for that part of you. You might be a good person. But this isn't one of your good sides.

All this has been inspired by signing of the once-in-a-lifetime talent Shohei Ohtani. He's literally the best player since Babe Ruth. TLDR: he got signed to the Dodgers for $700 million over 10 years. And it really just bums me out to see him in Dodger blue.

So yeah. I'm sad about that.

anonymous subscriber news

Guys guys guys. Our anonymous subscriber news submissions have gone waaay down. I get that the end of the year is here and we're all tired but I really need everyone to get it together and submit. PLEASE. LETS END THIS YEAR STRONG. GIVE ME YOUR STRONGEST JUICE. https://forms.gle/2z8Bod2RwqECBhgB9

• anonymous subscriber woke up and chose violence
• anonymous subscriber got violently ill on an international trip
• the exciting thing didn’t work out but that’s okay
• anonymous subscriber is on a cruise and is going to zero out of two of the planned docking locations because of a storm. but it’s still fun!

some more pictures from my time in austin

I had a really good time in Austin! Here are some pictures of BBQ, the local park, and some confused locals(-ish). Who are esteemed subscribers! All three of them.

animal of the week

Well maybe we should rename this section to organism of the week. Here is a cool mushroom from esteemed subscriber Alisa Reynya's backyard! We love mushrooms, and we welcome all mushroom submissions. Send in your animals to [email protected]! See you all next week!

Programming note: In the future, we will pretty much always have our Saturday newsletters, and sometimes we will have special holiday editions. So look forward to this every Saturday and enjoy the holiday ones!